37P5UFA - Pip@Ax9.org
  start violent love consideration... ponder the underpinnings of male /
    female relationships, from the tearing / bleeding of a hymen at
    devirginization to the forcefulness, strength, pain of love-making
    && intimacy thereafter... like are there men who want to treat
    women gently?  true gentlemen or do most women really want to
    be fucked hard?  Do they want it to hurt or do they pretend to?
    Men fantasize about using force...  about violation && violence in
    sex.  Women sing about being torn / ripped emotionally && physically
    ... while other songs are about violent love, sex in your violence,
    wild sex, fucking like animals, etc..  What's it about?  Childbirth
    is extremely painful too... why?  Are men basically supposed to
    hurt women && protect them somehow too?  I am so puzzled... I find
    women enormously beautiful... I love all the sweetness but then
    also observe girls that really want to get the shit fucked out of
    them... they want measured progressive pain... weird... like to be
    explored && stretched by fallices, toys, && other random objects.
    Part of me wants to make sweet gentle passionate love && another part
    wants to exert great force.  The first part desires lovely full women
    my age or older while the latter part craves ripening teens in school
    uniforms.  I'm nowhere near alone in these desires.  I don't really
    want to bind or be bound, to inflict or receive pain or use whips
    or toys or random household items but what is the nature of roles?
    What does it mean?  Is it truly natural or unnatural && immoral to
    desire teen sex?  Why?  Should it be stifled or encouraged or made
    light of or ignored or what?  What should a good man want?  Am I not a
    good man?  Does society just prop up adult decency as some holy ideal
    for the benefit / protection of all United Statesian girls? ... or
    is it simpler like... influential men (ie. law-makers / enforcers)
    have daughters they want to keep virgin as long as possible?  How does
    Clinton fit in?  Have I just not met the right woman yet who really
    wants && needs sensitivity?  Am I not very sensitive because I crave
    the innocence of intercourse with my catholic-school-girl-uniformed
    high-school sweetheart constantly && am likely to continue to
    for the imaginable remainder of my life?  Maybe I am particularly
    (abnormally?) sensitive because I think about these things && struggle
    with the responsibility to become the man && find the woman that I 
    want.  If I'm different than most people, is there a loyal girl out 
    there for me?  Am I so loyal that I would deserve something so 
    precious?  Unconditional love means not giving up.  If I have all 
    sorts of trust / care / comfort boundaries (or she does) && they're 
    violated... a spectrum of maybe even benign stuff like snoring through
    bad stuff like unfaithfulness... there are boundaries which can / are 
    crossed which break the deal.  It can't be so rigid or thorough as to
    explicitly negotiate the whole deal from the outset either because 
    people break agreements, forget, change...  I mean marriage is such an
    agreement which is broken now more than not these days.  It's gotta be
    a long interview process until a worthy partnership candidate can be
    selected, if one is striving for monogamy.  Such selectiveness could
    also be a fruitless search.  Maybe it's illogical to want only one, to
    think one woman would or could be faithful... && there's a spectrum of
    forced violation.  Consentual could be represented as less than too.
    How would either of those change trust, push boundaries, etc.?  Maybe
    women can't && won't be faithful... men either... infidelity rules by 
    && large.  I'm naive to have higher ideals?  I should learn that I'm
    not special.  I'm a liar && a cheat too so accept it.  I don't know.
    Maybe even if the ideal doesn't exist, it may be worthwhile to strive
    for / aspire to anyway.  If it does exist, you won't find it without
    believing in && looking for it.  Maybe she's out there looking for me
    too && she'll read this && find me... or maybe I ought to live && die
    alone but keep getting wrapped up with cruel / disloyal / flibberty-
    jibbit women because they're so beautiful that I can't stay away 
    either ...
    bleh how melodramatic =) ... && how appropriate for my struggle ...